you truly are the best christmas gift. thank you for sharing your holiday with me. i love you

I like how I'm a big fucking joke to you. U have. No idea how bad that hurts

i hope you truly enjoyed the car ride with bob and me... you are so sexy.

i am so grateful to have such a beautiful woman as my wifey. i love you so much.

i can't stop thinking about you and your kisses right now... i would love nothing more than to be next to you- touching you. i miss you baby.

was just washing my hair in the shower and found one of your hairs mixed in with mine... it made me so happy. i want you all over me.

i don't know why i am so scared, but i am. i hope i am enough for you. you are EVERYTHING to me- and nothing else could ever do.

i can't wait to cuddle up with you. i miss your skin so bad and love the way you feel. i feel so safe with you baby.

just want you to know that i am thinking about your playfulness and smiling. and thinking about your butt and throbbing. i love you and everything about you.

you drive me crazy... you turn the pervert part of me on. :)

still working hard on your accounting project... you look so adorable baby. it's hard not to scoot over and hold you.

when you are curled up sleeping... i love to just look at your beautiful face. i am so lucky to have you as my girl.

all i want is to be curled up under blankets with you. i always feel so at peace and relaxed when i have you in my arms.

i can not tell you enough how much you mean to me and how special you are. honestly- just the thought of you brings a smile to my face and a burning in my heart

i just warmed your makeup up in my butt and your jeans by humping them. i love our relationship.

you never cease to amaze me baby. i feel so blessed to have you and have true love. i can't wait until we have babies together. you will be such a great mom :)

when i sit back an think about my beautiful baby and how she goes about her everyday life, i just can't help but feel like i am the luckiest girl in the world.

i just can't wait for this work day to be over so i can see my baby. i hope that you are having a wonderful day... please know that i am always thinking abt you

why am i so lucky to have you? i know i haven't always done things right or even deserved you and your love- but baby, i will continue to make up for it.

another wonderful day with the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with. i also want the "honeymoon phase" to never come to an end. i don't think it could

i was just thinking about you and something for you and passed my EVERYDAY turn by two streets. you consume me

am i still in a dream world? everything is just going so right... God is good and He is answering our prayers, baby. thank you Lord for hearing us, i love you!

something else i thought about is that i don't really like sleeping naked when alone, but with you it's my favorite sleepwear. i love to feel our skin touching.

you should have seen the huge grin on my face as i drove to work listening to our song. i love looking into your beautiful eyes... you mean everything to me.

you just made my nails so pretty :) you know what else is pretty? you are. i love just living life with you. it makes everything feel like the right thing.

thank you for being so open with me and for sharing yourself with me. i love every piece of you and feel so blessed to be with you.

watching you do your homework is so cute. you sit there reading your questions so intensely and i just love it. you are adorable baby and i am enjoying helping.

i feel your fear... like i told tina, i would be skeptical of my ass too... all i can do is continue to show you that this, that WE are forever.

i want you to be proud that i am yours baby.

thank you for slow dancing with me to our song. the way my heart is still racing is just one more piece of evidence that we belong together.

i'm about to hop in the shower and you are watching your "stories." you are so cute. thank you for yummy pancakes, too. you are the best wife ever.

i promise to do anything and everything to make you happy. when i look into your eyes and i see that light... and i see that smile. everything is right.

you are so beautiful. i love having your flavor on my lips. mmm

there isn't anything better than waking up with you. we move around a lot- take turns holding eachother. your arms really are the best place on earth.

i may be stupid, but i will show you how much i love you...

am i still dreaming? it's like a taste of perfection. i know things can never be perfect always... but i promise to always strive for that.

baby i promise i will love you forever and always... i want to live out those vows so badly. please give me the chance.

i feel like i am in a dream... if i am... i hope i never wake up. i am so in love with you.

i'm sitting in here, surrounded by all of your things... using your computer. all i can think about is how fortunate i am to be in your bed. i just hope you are happy to have me here, too. i have chosen you... my first and only pick.

i don't want to be your second choice, baby.

your leftover thanksgiving dinner was delicious-
but please say i'm not just a leftover.

i love you with every ounce of myself.

i love looking at you... feeling your body heat. i just love you all over.

no face to hate

there is nobody to blame but myself-no face to hate, but my own…that’s why i despise who i’m with-every second i’m alone. like a flawed seam, my soul is ripping-and i can’t take it- no chance to make it…when my heart beats in your chest,you give so little to hang on to-but this is me gripping. there is nobody to blame but myself-no face to hate, but my own…that’s why i despise who i’m with-every second i’m alone. so high up, i’m dangling off this ledge.dark eyes filled up with salty tears…looking down, i see how far i’ll fallif you don’t grab my hand-please come to the edge. like i’m in a fight that i just can’t win…oh, the things i’d alter.our love timeline.no mistakes- i wouldn’t falter. there is nobody to blame but myself-no face to hate, but my own…that’s why i despise who i’m with-every second i’m alone. baby, you have to feel that thunder…when we touch. when we kiss.so strong- so real…there’s no need to wonder. we belong together…enough time has been wasted.recipe for soul mates…when our lips meet,that’s when we taste it.

not sure why i get up every morning anymore

please somehow let me know you care at least... oh god- please :(

i want your buckeyes and i want you. i want the world to be right again. i want to be held. i need to be held so i can breathe... i need my head on your chest.

i want to eat your green bean and sweet potato casserole. :(

this hurts so bad. so bad.

still haven't had that bath. i'm about to. i just want to be around you. i need you right now. i need you to care. please...

correction... i will be eating a ham, salami, and cheese sandwich AND then taking a bath. just so you know.

this does not feel like a holiday at all. i am about to take a bath and pray for a miracle...

thank you... i felt it. i want to keep that feeling.

please reach out to me... i need your touch right now. please... :(

so not even going out for a thanksgiving dinner... makes today just that much better. as if i wasn't thinking too much and sad as hell already.

we all miss you.

your dinner sounds wonderful. i can't wait until WE are throwing the dinner for everyone we both care about. i wish i could comfort you today- be your family.

i wonder if you are thinking about me today at all. i hope you do.

i should be with you right now. helping you. drying dishes or whatever you need. i hate this so bad. do you?

Happy Thanksgiving. i am so thankful to have you at all in my life. the love we share is capable of being the most beautiful, real love if we just let it be.

disappearing. sounds good right now.

i feel so empty. i'm sure i could find someone to hold me- but i look through every girl because i know who i belong with. it's you.

like vows

i promise to protect you as the one of a kind jewel that you are- from all that i can. to cherish your heart and handle it delicately, with tenderness and respect. to make it clear that our love and our future is of utmost importance to me. to remind you daily of my desire to be with YOU, and you alone. that the place in my heart, my soul, my arms, and my life is reserved solely for you. to continue to grow and mature so that i can be the best parent possible to the children we will have and love in the future. to share all of myself, willingly... without fear. to be your strength, and to allow you to be my strength when i am weak. to listen without insecurity and judgment to the best of my ability, so that we can work TOGETHER towards that solution. i will happily spend my life with you, intermixed- our lives intertwined and shared equally. to spend alone time curled up together watching a movie- or away at a nice hotel. either way, i can assure my focus is on you.

if i ever get the chance to live out these vows- i promise to never take you for granted, again.

you're so special. so special. i am ashamed that i didn't treasure you the way you should a precious diamond... but believe me, i am so clear on your value.

i love you and am thinking about how cute you are and how you are so traditional (like classic) and so am i in a lot of ways, but also how open-minded.

i need to be held... but it can only be by you.

i'm going to be up in middletown tonight right by your parent's old house :( i want to see you so bad. so fucking bad...

my eyes are burning- and so is my heart.

when will the world be right again?

about to go to the dr's. we'll see how this crazy is doing...

these nightmares need to go away. :(

we are a family with love abounding, baby.

could you just like email a little something about your day everyday? i just want to feel connected to you somehow...

i have about 20 days to become normal again... oh boy...

quietly and alone

i stuff my feelings because they never matter anyway. i mean if anyone was going to care- i would have thought it was you. i will continue to suffer quietly.

i miss the way it feels to know you have AND want my heart...

still breathing... barely. hard for lungs to operate without a heartbeat.

life sucks. nothing is right anymore. i love so hard, and it's not enough... someone help me, please.

i can honestly say i have never been sadder in my entire life...

she doesn't want me. it makes no sense... we belong together. we do and you know it.

i wonder if you smelled me on your pillow last night... and if you did... i wonder what you felt.

i hate waking up- and you're not there... i miss you so much.

i want to feel that peace i can only be given by you. i can be anywhere and feel so good and calm if you are with me. i pray that i can be by your side forever.

why do i feel so nervous and sick to my stomach? :(

i want to be holding you. i hate that i can't just reach out and hold your hand.

i also really want you on top of me.

i want to be holding you. i hate that i can't just reach out and hold your hand.

i also really want you on top of me.

there isn't a minute that goes by that i don't feel that achy feeling in my chest from longing for you. we are made for each other.

three small hickeys in a perfect line around my neckline... they made me so happy. you leaving your mark on my flesh. i want more.

went to my grandma's and she wasn't even there! now- i have a nose bleed. AND! i miss you.

i want a house with a nice size yard... what's something you really want in our house?

just got home from being in the most perfect place in the world- your arms. i hope that you think of me today because i will be thinking of you. i am yours...

i want to stay holding you forever. it feels so right.

you have no idea how much i love just being next to you...

i feel the best when we are touching.

i am driving so fast to see that face.

i am here for you and i do love you so much. smile for me baby.

does this mean you love me? do you miss me? i love you so much and want my entire life to be shared with you and yours with mine.

i am yours...

i feel dead

i wish i could have a do over... oh god- please help me. all i ever wanted was to be all you ever wanted. i could take care of you. sorry i am not good enough.

how can i make it? loving someone with every ounce of yourself- knowing they are all i want... and i am not loved in return? i feel like i can barely stand.

i feel so drained- but i can't sleep. i need you...

i will be able to breathe again one day, right? i have so many great memories and i don't want them to fade into this darkness. i miss YOU so much...

and your alarm... every time i hear that song- even before, i wanted to puke and now i want to die

home alone and feeling like i am being stabbed repetitively. everything i thought i knew is gone. yet, i still can't stop loving you... am i just stupid?

clinging... because i'd risk everything for you.

coming home to blood all over my house from where my cat somehow hurt his chin... is not comforting after the events of the day. i guess we can bleed together.

oh god please help me.

if i could take away your hurt that i caused, i wouldn't hesitate. that's all i want to do is take back what has happened in the past so that we can just be us

were we in the same bed last night? bc- if you were... how could you want anything else? how would anything else ever be enough? :( maybe i am alone after all.

how could i be so naive

i wish it were 2AM this morning all the time. how come to me that feels like home?

best night in what seems like forever

also my butt is really sore from the seat in this car

if we have a daughter i hope she ends up like taylor swift.

such a long drive. especially since i have you to look forward to. i look forward to the day that i have tonight to look forward to every single night.

i can't wait to just hold you... i know it will feel like heaven.

please love me back.

maybe i am stupid to ONLY want you...

thank you for being you. i treasure you and love you with my whole heart.

i am so lucky to know you and love you. thank you baby...

i hope you slept well. woke up two seconds ago and you are the first thing on my mind.

stop quitting on me. please... i need you so bad.

i want your body under my hands...

i am sitting here working and all i can think about is your eyes and your lips...

hope you are sleeping well. i am working and thinking of you.

i will always be replaceable... maybe i'm even second best. who am I kidding pretending you care...

i ache for you constantly...

i just realized it's like a competition and she's winning with more checks off the list. i want to win by chills and goosebumps.

maybe i'm a fool for loving you so hard.

why don't you believe we are meant to be? i used to think we believed together

it's so dark. i need light again.

why did i fail you? i don't want to be a failure. i can't afford to fail when the cost is our hearts and lives. i need to clean up all the mess that I made.

i can not even begin to explain how it felt to have you hold me... it was so perfect. i hated saying goodbye to you. it felt like choking.

you are so beautiful. i miss you so badly.

i never want to forget how i feel right now. like my breastbone is going to crack from this heart balloon. i'm even a bit shaky...

i can not wait!

can't stay asleep.

you deserve warmness. can't wait to see you and show you...

i wonder what you are doing and if i'm on your mind. remember winning our lava lamp? i want to stand behind you and hold you close with my breath on your neck.

i don't know how i will be able to sleep tonight.

i want to show you how much you mean to me. you are so special. what we are is special...

i wish we were holding hands.

i'm sorry that i am so full of insecurity. it has caused so many problems.

it's cold.... i want to be cuddling up with you.

had a good time- something major was missing though. home now to relax under my blanket. i hope you are having a good day... i am thinking about you.

it's almost time for the shower... i so bad wish you were here. you are with me as always- i just want to see your smile. i love you.

i never stop thinking about you.

in bed and missing you. but of course i miss you everywhere. especially here though...

i am so sorry for all the hurtful things i have ever said out of anger or hurt. you deserve better. i will work so much harder to control my tongue...

now it feels like christmas is only 2 days away. santa can't top this...

my heart is racing... you have no idea

this blanket means so much to me.

this should be such a great and fun night for me preparing for my sister's shower--- but instead i am having trouble breathing. i am so close to combustion...

the part about her being the one that brings you "hope." so- what i hope and pray for isn't what you hope for?
that is like death to me.

have you forgotten how perfect we fit together? or maybe i am the only one who feels we do... please don't say i am. it was so real and right. god help me

let me show you. let me love you bavy

i just want to be the one to make you smile. i love you

i believe so much that we are meant to be...

just picked up my rental car for my chicago trip. a blue kia. not as nice as my last rental- but hey, i'm not paying for it. god- how i wish you were coming too

i wonder if i am the only one aching... do you care?

as soon a i walk in the door at work, i am wanted everywhere for help. all i can think about is that i only want you to want me. am i stupid to pray for that?

i have never felt so alone in my entire life.

brrr. it's cold today! hope you are wearing a jacket/coat/sweater AND more than flip flops.

if i ever get to touch your body again, i will savor every inch... kiss you slow and hard... and everywhere. you know my touch and have felt my love through it.

just got out of the shower... i miss us washing eachother's back. i miss rubbing your back in bed without you asking. i miss you...

starting a busy day... have to get stuff organized for both my trip to chicago as well as my sister's baby shower. wish you were by my side for both...

god, sleeping is so hard without you. i need you.

i'm pretending you are here, as usual. these pillows pressed against me just aren't the same :(

family guy.

i wonder if you still think i'm cute...

no... still crying. i need you to hold me so bad... so bad. your arms are so healing and i have always appreciated them. i wish so bad that i had them around me

maybe if i tell a funny story... earlier i was trying to lick some milkshake drips off my cup- and i ended up spilling half of it down my shirt. cold.

i hope to quit crying sometime soon...

it's ok... i understand.

i still believe baby... i still believe.

i have to.

i wish you knew how much I miss you, how much i long to be near you.

mistakes... with redemption?

there are so many things in my life that i can say were mistakes, but none bigger than the way that i took you and us and our love for granted. you truly are the most beautiful woman i have ever known. beauty both on your skin, but also through your veins.

i often look at pictures of you and i swear to you, that i feel heat rush through my chest. it's not as if that burn is new to me. you've always done that to me. from that 1st time that i sat next to you on the couch, to the last time the crinkles in my lips touched the softness of yours .

but the mistake was that i didn't tell you. the mistake was that i didn't accept your help. the mistake was that i didn't pour my heart out like this enough before. the mistake was that i let everyday aggravations bring out the worst in me and damage us. the mistake was in feeling weak and giving up instead of trying harder to bring you what you wanted when I felt i wasn't making you happy.

that's what i want... to make you happy. to make you smile- to make your day, because you have made my life.

you ARE the love of my life...

after work, i did some shopping for my little baby niece due in 32 days. i am so excited for her arrival... i love her so much already. just wanted to tell you

this is the first entry of a million. i did take you for granted... so even if i ever earn you back, this blog will continue to tell you how beautiful you are.